Gender and sexuality is an important part of humanity. There are two genders (male and female) and there are different sexual orientations - heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual/transgendered, asexual and others.
There's a lot of confusion about gender and sexuality, especially when it comes to religion, The Bible and The Quran. The confusion stems from the fact that people think The Bible and The Quran are talking about our physical world when in fact the books are talking about our internal qualities.
Before we can understand the true meaning of gender and sexuality, we first have to understand the concept of internality and externality.
INTERNALITY AND EXTERNALITY
There are two realms to consider:
1. The realm of our inner qualities, our internality, and
2. The realm of our physical world, our externality
Internality and externality are connected in two ways:
1. Our internal qualities create our external physical world, and
2. Our internal qualities are represented by our external physical world
1. Internality Creates Externality
There is a cause and effect relationship between our inner qualities and our external physical world: who we are on the inside determines what we create on the outside.
If our inner qualities are selfish, we create a selfish world. If our inner qualities are altruistic, we create an altruistic world.
Today, everyone's immersed in selfishness, seeking to benefit themselves. Because we're selfish, we've created a selfish world, which now lies broken.
To fix the world, we have to change our inner qualities from selfishness to love of others, seeking to benefit others instead of ourselves.
If our internal qualities change, the world will change because we'll rebuild the world based on our new inner qualities - mutual responsibility and concern for others.
2. Internality is Represented by Externality
Our internal qualities are made up of desires, thoughts, intentions, emotions and other forces. Our physical world is made up of land, oceans, rocks, plants, animals, people, air etc.
While they're different, they're interconnected. There is a parallel story that exists between them, in that the physical world represents the journey of our internal qualities.
For example, the physical ocean represents a force within you called 'ocean'. What you see outside of you represents something inside of you.
With respect to gender, if you see a man, he represents a force within you called 'man'. If you see a woman, she represents a force within you called 'woman'.
With respect to sexuality, if you see a lesbian, she represent a force within you called 'lesbian'. Everything that you see outside of you represents a force within you.
This means that we're all interconnected. I'm a part of your physical world so I represent a force within you. You're a part of my physical world so you represent a force within me.
I tell the story of your internality and you tell the story of my internality.
In fact my entire world represents my internal qualities and your entire world represents your internal qualities.
If my world tells my internal story and I'm different from you, and your world tells your internal story and you're different from me, we must be living in two different worlds. In fact, there must be many different worlds because we're all different.
Since I'm in your world and you're in my world, our worlds must overlap to some degree, but beyond that, they're different worlds.
In this way, everything you see outside of you is LITERALLY you, because it tells the story of your internal qualities. You and your physical world are ONE.
If you're racist, sexist, homophobic or hate anyone or anything outside of you, you actually hate yourself because everything outside of you represents your inner qualities.
GENDER
Gender can be very confusing for two reasons:
1. Gender is relative, meaning it's determined relative to something else, and
2. Gender can change.
I'll explain.
There are two forces in Nature, a male force and a female force. The male force is God and the female force is all of creation.
The male force wants to give and the female force wants to receive. As such the action of giving is generally considered male and the action of receiving is generally considered female.
But there are exceptions: if you're giving to receive this is considered female and if you're receiving to give, this is considered male. So giving is not always considered male and receiving is not always considered female. Confusing, I agree.
Relative to God, all of creation is considered female and God is considered male. In front of God, men and women are considered equal because we are all creation.
In physical creation we see men and women and barring any exceptions, genders don't change.
Physical men and women have internal qualities and these qualities have male and female genders. Since our internal qualities change, our internal genders change.
If I see a physical man, he represents a force within me call 'man'. If I see a physical woman, she represents a force within me called 'woman'.
A physical man has an internal male force and an internal female force. A physical woman has an internal male force and an internal female force.
With respect to our internal qualities, the quality of selfishness is generally considered female and the quality of altruism/giving/love of others is generally considered male.
Here's an example of how physical gender is connected to the gender of our internal qualities:
1. A physical woman with an internal quality of selfishness is considered female.
2. A physical woman with an internal quality of love of others is considered male.
3. A physical man with an internal quality of selfishness, is considered female.
4. A physical man with an internal quality of love of others, is considered male.
But of course gender is relative. Within the quality of selfishness and altruism are different states, each with its relative gender:
1. Selfishness (female)
a. Receiving to Receive (female) - You receive thinking only of yourself
b. Bestowing to Receive (male) - You give to get praise, glory, honor, status
2. Altruism (male)
c. Bestowing to Bestow (female) - You give with no consideration for yourself
d. Receiving to Bestow (male) - You receive thinking of others
The Tree of Life explains our internal qualities and shows how gender is relative:
1. Keter - is considered male
2. Chocmma (Aba, Father) - is considered male
This state is called receiving to bestow, and is considered adulthood.
This state is the father, so it's considered male.
However, this state uses female vessels, so it's considered female.
Also, this state receives, which is considered female.
But because it's receiving to bestow, it's considered male.
In summary, this state is sometimes called male and sometimes called female.
Confusing, I agree.
3. Bina (Ima, Mother) - is considered female
This state is called bestowing to bestow, and is considered childhood.
This state is the mother, so it's considered female.
However, this state uses male vessels, so it's considered male.
Also, this state gives/bestows, which is considered male.
But because it's bestowing to bestow, it's considered female.
In summary, this state is sometimes called male and sometimes called female.
Confusing, I agree.
4. Zeir Anpin (son) - is considered male, but also has female forces
5. Malchut (daughter) - is considered female, but also has male forces
It's important to note that there's a difference between receiving and selfishness. Receiving isn't the problem, selfishness is. You can actually receive in order to give as in the state of receiving to bestow. Selfishness is when you think only about yourself.
The purpose of creation is to bring us from selfishness to altruism/love of others so we can know God's qualities. Our internal qualities are very important because they determine our proximity to God. If our internal qualities are in selfishness we're considered far from God and if our internal qualities are in love of others we're considered close to God.
The Bible and The Quran speak only about our internal qualities and how we can change from selfishness to love of others to get closer to God.
Whenever a man or woman is mentioned in The Bible or The Quran, it's not talking about our physical world, it's talking about our internal qualities.
The purpose of this detailed explanation on gender is not to intentionally confuse, but to show that gender is a relative thing and when reading The Bible or Quran, any references to males or females has to be taken in context to understand specifically what is being explained.
Gender in The Bible
Here's a verse from The Bible: "23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:23-24, NIV)
The husband (male) is the quality of love of others (male) and the wife (female) is the quality of selfishness (female). To say that the husband is the head of the wife is to say that the quality of love of others is greater than the quality of selfishness and we should submit to the quality of love of others instead of the quality of selfishness.
Gender in The Quran
Here's a verse from The Quran: "Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand." (Quran 4:34, Sahih)
Men (male) is the quality of love of others (male) and women (female) is the quality of selfishness (female). To say that men are in charge of women is to say that the quality of love of others is greater than the quality of selfishness and we should be in the quality of love of others, not the quality of selfishness.
Righteous (male) women (female) are those desires that have changed from selfishness (female) to love of others (male). Whereas arrogant (female) women (female) are those desires that are still in selfishness (female).
The Quran gives advice on how to convert selfish desires (arrogant women) to the quality of love of others - advise them, forsake them in bed, and strike them. These are internal discernments where you work to rise above your selfish nature: advise them (acknowledge that the desires are selfish), forsake them in bed (do not be with them in the quality of selfishness) and strike them (force them to convert from selfishness to the quality of love of others).
This verse is very controversial because people think The Quran is saying you should strike/hit a woman. But The Quran is not talking about our physical world, it's talking about our internal qualities. The arrogant woman is our selfish nature and The Quran is saying that we should convert our selfish nature to love of others. The Quran is not saying that you should hit a woman.
SEXUALITY
Remember, our internal qualities create our physical world and our physical world represents our internal qualities through parallel stories.
Sexuality is one type of parallel story. The different types of sexual orientations that you see outside of you represents specific forces within you.
Our inner qualities are continually changing as we move from selfishness to love of others. This means you can change from a lesbian, to a bisexual, to a gay, to a transgendered all within a few minutes as you move from one internal force to another.
Here's an explanation of some sexual orientations:
Heterosexual
As our internal qualities change from selfishness to love of others, there's an internal state where a female force connects to a male force. This is represented in the physical world as a heterosexual.
Lesbian
As our internal qualities change from selfishness to love of others, there's an internal state where a female force connects to a female force. This is represented in the physical world as a lesbian.
Gay
As our internal qualities change from selfishness to love of others, there's an internal state where a male force connects to a male force. This is represented in the physical world as a gay.
Bisexual
As our internal qualities change from selfishness to love of others, there's an internal state where a female force connects to a male and female force. This is represented in the physical world as a bisexual.
Transsexual/Transgendered
As our internal qualities change from selfishness to love of others, there's an internal state where a female force transforms to a male force. This is represented in the physical world as a transgendered.
There's more to consider:
Asexual
Everyone has an empty space in their heart that only God can fill. In the physical realm people try to fill that empty space with various pleasures (food, family, money, honor, knowledge, power), and sexual pleasure. This only leads to greater disappointment as people remain unfulfilled. People are looking for love, but don't find it.
We hear a lot about having a healthy sex life, which may lead people to feel obligated to have sex. But it's okay to admit you're not interested in sex - perhaps you never were, no longer are, it doesn't fulfill you anymore, you're not attracted to people sexually or there may be other reasons. It's okay to say you're asexual.
If you're no longer interested in sex and all the pleasures of this physical world no longer satisfy you, it means you're ready for a new kind of pleasure - spiritual pleasure.
Rapture - Spiritual Pleasure
Spiritual pleasure is real. It's very intense and is greater than all other pleasures combined.
You acquire spiritual pleasure by changing your inner qualities from selfishness to love of others, by seeking to benefit others instead of yourself.
Changing your inner qualities to love of others connects you to love, love connects you to Godliness, Godliness connects you to God and God connects you to spiritual pleasure and fulfillment.
Since you were always looking for love, you become fulfilled in two ways:
1. You find love and God fills the empty space in your heart, and
2. You sense intense spiritual pleasure that satisfies you in ways nothing else ever could.
The Bible and The Quran speak only about our internal qualities. Whenever sexuality is mentioned, it's not talking about our physical world, it's talking about our inner qualities.
Sexuality in The Bible
Here's a verse from The Bible, "Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable." (Leviticus 18:22, NIV)
This verse is often quoted with reference to homosexuality, but remember The Bible doesn't speak about our physical world, it speaks only about our internal qualities.
This verse is layered in meaning and it's talking about the altruistic qualities of bestowing to bestow and receiving to bestow.
Having sexual relations with a man is using the male vessels of bestowing to bestow.
Having sexual relations with a woman is using the female vessels of receiving to bestow.
First, it's saying that the internal actions required to be in the state of bestowing to bestow are different from the internal actions required to be in the state of receiving to bestow.
Second, it's saying that remaining in the state of bestowing to bestow is detestable, because this state is considered childhood and we should grow to the state of receiving to bestow, adulthood.
Genesis 18 tells the story of Lot, Sodom and Gomorrah, how people lusted after men instead of women. As a result they were destroyed.
The men are the forces of bestowing to bestow and the women are the forces of receiving to bestow. The desire wants to stay in childhood (lusting after male vessels) and not grow to adulthood (using female vessels). In the end, the state of childhood is destroyed and the state of adulthood is allowed to flourish.
The Bible tells the story of the development of our internal qualities as they change from childhood to adulthood. The Bible wants us be adults and have a closer relationship with God and not remain as children.
Sexuality in The Quran
The story of Lot also appears in The Quran (for example in Quran 7:80-81) and shows how people lusted after men instead of women. As a result they were destroyed.
The men are the forces of bestowing to bestow and the women are the forces of receiving to bestow. The desire wants to stay in childhood (lusting after male vessels) and not grow to adulthood (using female vessels). In the end, the state of childhood is destroyed and the state of adulthood is allowed to flourish.
The Quran tells the story of the development of our internal qualities as they change from childhood to adulthood. The Quran wants us to be adults and have a closer relationship with God and not remain as children.
SUMMARY
We have seen how our internal qualities are connected to our physical world, we have seen how gender is a relative thing, we have understood the meaning of sexuality and we have seen the true meaning of gender and sexuality in The Bible and The Quran.
May The One True God, The Infinite God, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob bring us out of the quality of selfishness into the quality of love of others. May He bring us to Godliness, to love, to Him and to spiritual pleasure and fulfillment.
God is with us and to Him we shall all return.
Copyright © 2013, Carter Kagume. All Rights Reserved.
