This may seem really strange because my family is still alive, but I perceived that my mother was no longer my mother, my brother was no longer my brother and my family was no longer my family.
As it is written, "I bowed down heavily, as one who mourns for his mother." (Psalms 35:14, NKJV) It is also written, "I have become a stranger to my brothers, and an alien to my mother's children." (Psalms 69:8, NKJV)
I had a new perception of reality and my old family was gone. It was devastating. It was a really hard time and a really hard thing to go through. I was alone, orphaned.
I went through a grieving process, grieving the loss of the family I'd known. It was a difficult and painful time, but it was necessary - part of the process of adjusting to my new perception of reality. Let me just say that it's a really strange thing to grieve for someone who's still alive.
I had to learn how to let go of everything, my old life, my old family and my old perception of reality. I had a new life now, a new family and a new perception of reality. I had to face this truth.
When my perception of reality changed, my internal qualities began to change - from selfishness to bestowal.
In the quality of bestowal, you seek to benefit others instead of yourself. This was really hard to do with family because I was grieving their loss, breaking old ties with them, adjusting to my new perception of reality, while trying to seek to benefit them instead of myself. Challenging.
Now it's easier. I've had more time to adjust to my new perception of reality and I've grown in bestowal. Plus, my relationship with God has grown and I'm excited to enter into greater adhesion with The Creator.
Here's a little more explanation about becoming an orphan. We become an orphan in two ways: based on our perception of reality and based on our changing internal qualities.
- Perception Of Reality:
- When we go through a change in the perception of our reality, we perceive a new world.
- We perceive that our family is not our family, they're not the people we thought they were.
- We become orphans because our old family is gone.
- Our Changing Internal Qualities:
- When our internal qualities change from selfishness to bestowal, and we seek to benefit others instead of ourselves, we change families, we change kingdoms.
- A. The Family Of The Quality Of Selfishness, The Kingdom Of This World:
- When we're immersed in the quality of selfishness, we belong to the family of selfishness, we belong to the kingdom of this world.
- When our internal qualities change from selfishness to bestowal, we rise above our egos, we leave our selfish lives behind and we leave the family of selfishness. Jesus said, "If people come to me and are not ready to abandon their fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as their own lives, they cannot be my disciples." (Luke 14:26, NOGB)
- In this way, we become orphans because we lose the family of selfishness
- B. The Family Of The Quality Of Bestowal, The Kingdom of God / Heaven:
- When we enter into the quality of bestowal, we're adopted into the family of bestowal, into the Kingdom of God, the Kingdom of Heaven.
- As it is written, "And the Hereafter is better for you than the first [life]. And your Lord is going to give you and you will be satisfied. Did He not find you an orphan and give [you] refuge?" (Quran 93:6, Sahih)
- The family of bestowal adopts us, it looks after us, it provides for our needs and it raises us from childhood to adulthood in the quality of bestowal.
